I'd rather be sleeping.

I can't convince anyone. They give up on me or they run past me. I present to everyone a wall of shivering limbs and muscles. Muscles around the lips and eyes that avoid contact with others. Quivering. Imbibing the fears and dislikes of the ones I admire and respect. Internalizing them. A disgusting self-defense mechanism. I'm the silver sinewy piece of growth pushing pieces of bile out from it's mouth. Synchronizing every piece and motion with a different beat. Stringy and frail. I'm the syncopated sinew treading slowly over water. Scared of it's home. Scared of the new. Scared of the familiar. (I'd rather be sleeping/I'd rather run away from myself). I lean on anyone I can.

the Photographic Dictionary

http://www.thephotographicdictionary.org/home.htm (birthday)

I really liked this idea for a photography project. A website comprised of photos from many photographers who all try to embody or create a sense of the word they are using. I have come to find many that replicate the exact feeling I get from a certain word. I seem to be attracted to ones describing exhaustion or deprivation. Those are my favorites. I enjoy the style of the majority of the people on there. Take a look and stuff.

Get'n Over My Disappointing Self

(via leslie miles)

I figured eventually I was going to post something that came from my own mind. Feelings and stuff. I still haven't seen her and I think I'll make the bus ride very soon.

Today I reached into an envelope. It contained money given to me by my grandmother for living to see another year and for going through another year of sparse visits from her grandson. For making it another year so that I can once again let everyone down.The money was pressed along the insides of the envelope. It was consciously laid flat to prevent any bends. It held four bills, two twenties and two five dollar bills. Moments before that, my mother had spoke to me about her recent illness. She had been struck with bells palsy and half of her face might never smile at me again. The envelope was handed to my parents during her stay in the hospital. As I opened the envelope, the sight of the money made me shudder. I didn't know what else to do than to cry. The money was an obvious sign of her economic situation. An amount of money that I do not need at all. She never neglects to remind me that she loves me. I hope she does not feel ashamed or small. The shame only hangs around my neck. Thank you, Soledad.

theme of the day: comfort

mayonnaise

richard brautigan-your departure versus the hindenburg
from the pill versus the springhill mine disaster

every time we say good-bye
i see it as an extension of the hindenburg:
that great 1937 airship exploding
in medieval flames like a burning castle
above new jersey.
when you leave the house, the
shadow of the hindenburg enters
to take your place

band of the day.

or the week? im going to try and have these daily. i'll gush a little about the band. post links to music. post pictures. do this and that. hopefully, there will be something you can fall in love with.

todays band of the day is: daniel striped tiger

i have the sour memory of finally getting to LA to see them and having to watch as the crazy manager of a coffee shop ruins everything. i got to see rogue state play. theyre great but i'm not too familiar with their music. anyway, daniel striped tiger play some really frantic punk. lots of syncopated little beatz. they got shit to say too. beautiful band. i enjoy every one of their albums. never a poor release. listen listen listen.

found stumbling.

ffffound is a nice place to get lost in and sometimes i end up gathering pictures during my sessions and post them in various places on the internet. i have not done it here yet. so it is time. heres my latest stumbling. ill go backwards and post my other ones later. i'll probably start posting daily and hopefully with more discussion!

brainforest

the coolest thing from gerda and jorg