the cursor has been blinking for about five boilermaker songs. i know i have a lot of things on my mind i want to spread out onto this page but i glance over them as if they are thoughts i had years ago. thoughts that i now look upon with some kind of aged arrogance. maybe its because i feel like ive had these feelings for so long. i almost feel silly for still having them. that shitty bleak feeling a teenager feels as he or she crawls into the 'adult' world. ive been doing a lot of dwoddling and way too much indulging in any kind of want that presents itself to me.
that strange, familiar discomfort is beginning to show itself again.
"i don't beg for anything, especially to be alive"
